Kurapika and the Unripe Fruits
by Moregami
Summary: Because it's Leorio's fault and Hisoka's dream come true.
1. Chapter 1

_**AsukaFireDuchess**_

_**Kurapika and the Unripe Fruits**_

_**Chapter 1**_

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><p><strong><em>AN: So I've been getting a bit rusty when it comes to fanfiction writing and depicting dialogue based scenarios, so it's time to get this ball rolling. I don't ship Kurapika and Leorio AT ALL but honestly the protagonists remind me of a big happy family. Kurapika being the mother, Leorio being the father and Gon and Killua being the children of course, so let's play around with said idea~!_**

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><p>"Kurapika."<p>

"Yes Leorio?"

"Don't be mad at me when I tell you this…"

"And _what_ did you do _this _time Leorio?"

"….Long story short, Killua and Gon are kids."

"I already know that."

"NO, as in…. they're six year olds now."

"WAIT WHAT?"

"You promised you wouldn't be mad."

"HOW IS THAT- WHY- WHEN- THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE, how did this happen?"

"Do you want the long version or the short version?"

"I WANT TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE DETAIL-"

"Too bad, I'm not going to tell you. Long story short, I did some shit involving a biology lab and some other shit happened."

As Kurapika continued to hyperventilate, Leorio tried to rationalize with him. He tried and failed miserably to calm the scarlet eyed Kurta down but managed to attract a small crowd of people around them. All the familiar faces of the exam takers looked down on them, some with disgust, some with amusement and others with plain bewilderment.

"What happened here?" Ponzu prodded; poking Leorio's side. But the two friends seemed to be immersed in a world of their own.

"One can only consider the possibilities…" Bourbon replied in their stead.

"LUCKILY FOR YOU, I am here."

Nicole burst into the room; laptop in hand; already typing away. How his data was to help them in this situation, they had no idea. But it was better than nothing.

"Why don't we hit Kurapika or something?"

"Would you WANT to hit Kurapika?" Pokkle asked, invading said speaker's personal space and staring him in the eyes intently. No. No they didn't, but the situation was awkward none the less.

"I can't believe this." Kurapika sighed, dropping his shoulders to his utmost ability. It was clear that he had lost all faith in humanity what-so-ever.

"We demand an explanation."

After a LOT of explaining from Leorio's part- which clearly defied the laws of both physics And biology so let's not go into that- everyone was in more or less the same exasperated state as the blonde dude that looks like a chick but is really hot. Don't judge me.

"But, where ARE Gon and Killua?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

_Silence._

"HOW THE HELL COULD YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE?"

"LISTEN KURAPIKA I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT."

"Guys-"

"HOW THE HELL COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?"

"THAT'S IT, THIS IS THE END OF OUR FREINDSHIP AND ANYTHING WE EVER HAD."

"Guys-"

"I WOULD KILL MYSELF RATHER THAN 'HAVE' ANYTHING WITH YOU!"

"Ew."

"GUYS!" Sommy finally shouted, knocking some sense into both of them.

"Oh, sorry." They both apologized.

"I think I found your kids."

"THEY AREN'T OUR KIDS."

"Yeah whatever, they were playing with this guy here." Sommy gestured to the monkey on his shoulder and sure enough, the notion actually made sense.

"So, where are they?"

"Oh, I left them with Hisoka."

"WITH HISOKA? WHAT ON EARTH POSSESSED YOU TO DO THAT?"

"Um, he had the whole clown vibe going on so I thought-"

"THE IDIOT TRAIN KEEPS ON GAINING MORE PASSENGERS DOESN'T IT?"

They both ran to the magician's brooding-quarters and flung the door open, almost toppling over each other in the process.

"GON, KILLUA ARE YOU STILL ALIVE-hey you're not Hisoka."

And definitely, he was not. Instead, it was a man; tall and slender with long, flowing black hair; just like princess Jasmine's and creepy hollow pits for eyes. Was he wearing Gittarackur's outfit? He was wearing Gittarackur's outfit. What a fashion disaster…

…Wait, was he hugging Killua?

He was hugging Killua.

"Uh, yes I am." He said awkwardly.

"No you're not."

"HEY LOOK OVER THERE!"

They did as they were told, but upon further inspection; found nothing and turned back to the matter at hand.

"WHO THE HELL ARE _YOU_?"

"I am Hisoka's twin brother."

"NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE JUST THE SAME GUY WITH A MOUSTACHE."

And as if on cue, the strand of hair which had been used as a make-shift moustache began to slip off his upper lip but he steadied it just in time. This was getting very ridiculous.

"Come to think of it Leorio," Kurapika started. "Hisoka is weird and this guy is weird.  
>It might just run in the family for all we know."<p>

"Yea totally. I am Hisoka's father."

"Father?"

"Brother, I mean brother."

"Alright fine, we believe you." Leorio signaled Kurapika to come inside and shut the door behind him. They would settle this like rational adults. "Can you explain what you are doing with Gon and Killua?"

"Gon-what's a Gon?"

"What do you mean- OH MY GOD, WHERE IS HE?"

Their eyes darted across the room, landing on any object that even remotely resembled a little boy and was an obnoxious shade of green.

He wasn't there.

"Damn it!" The older of the two cursed, plopping down on a nearby chair. Kurapika sat down on the bed and turned to the dude with the 'stache, he knew none of these idiots were to be trusted, but there was no use crying over spilt milk.

"When you arrived here, was Killua the only child in the premises?"

"Pretty much." The creep STILL hadn't let go of him though.

"You know, I could ask you many things right now. Like who allowed you to get on this aircraft and how are you acquainted with Killua and I would advise you to stop hugging him he looks like he's going to bite you- oh wow he's really cute- and it seems like you're a pedophile, but I won't. BECAUSE, Leorio- I am going to scout for Gon and you are going to ask this good man to explain all of that to you okay?"

"WAIT WHY?"

"Because I God damned said so and need to find our children!" He snapped, his eyes growing a bright shade of scarlet (let's face it, this was way overdue).

"_Our _children?" Leorio's eyes beamed, ignoring the death glare he was currently receiving from both ends.

"I MEAN OUR FRIENDS!"

Kurapika slammed the door, shaking the entire room (or airship for that matter) behind him.

"You know between you and me, I thought I'd never have a wife as beautiful as Kurapika."

"She's a very lucky woman to have you as her husband." Hisoka's brother/father bowed his head with understanding, also trying to avoid Killua's constant blows in the process.

"Woman?"

"Oh but let this be known. Killua is _MY _child!"

"Whoa, let me get this straight. So you're Hisoka AND Killua's father?"

"Oh my God."

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><p><em><strong>P.S AyanoThe10Tailed is my editor now! :D We had very LENGTHY and INTENSE discussions on what to name this.<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

**Kurapika & the Unripe Fruits**

**Chapter 2**

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><p>It was the merry merry month of May and everyone was acting very gay because on this air ship they were here to stay; especially Gon and Killua. And no you fangirl, they were just really happy.<p>

It had become a habit of chibi Gon's to trail after Hisoka and sometimes even dare to play little pranks on him. He would stalk up behind him, whispering his name a few times, only to have the magician turn around in irritation. _Who even was that asshole_, he would think to himself.

But then he would see a tiny Gon, trying to scare him once again and chucking in a corner, how did he even get on the ceiling? Did Ringo-chan get shorter or was it just him? Nah, these unripe fruit types really made a man go crazy.

It was cute though, that even he had to admit.

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><p>Killua was TRYING TO BE HAPPY- just TRYING to. An old man that looked VERY much like his brother but had an even shittier fashion sense was clinging on to him and whispering utterances to him, trying to 'console' him of some great misfortune which had befallen him. <em>What misfortune?<em> Killua didn't understand. This old man with pins on his face was creepy and an eyesore, he had to look somewhere else.

_Oh hey, another old man,_ Killua thought. This was an old man much older than old because he looked like he was over forty. He probably even was. Maybe it was his grandfather. The only thing was, he didn't expect his grandfather to make so much noise.

"MR. FATHER/BROTHER are you listening to me?" Leorio shouted, pointing a finger towards Illumi.

"No."

"Yea me neither but LISTEN, Kurapika is going to beat the crap out of me if you don't tell me _something _about Gon."

"Of course, we wouldn't want that now would we?" Illumi let go of Killua and turned towards Leorio.

"REALLY?" Leorio asked; taken aback. He hadn't expected him to give in that easily.

_Gon? _The name echoed throughout the child's head. Who were these adults talking about, the name sounded vaguely familiar though. It sent tiny tingles of happiness throughout him; filling him with a light and bubbly feeling. Whoever this Gon was, he made him feel very good. _We must have been friends. _Killua concluded.

As the adults talked about stupid things like how his grandfather's wife- the blonde girl that just left- would deny him of stuff which would also make him feel good, Killua waddled out of the room, now on a trek to find his best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kurapika & The Unripe Fruits**

**Chapter 3**

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><p><em>"Rawwr!"<em>

Gon jumped off the cupboard and landed on Hisoka's back; nipping his arms and holding onto him tightly.

"Oh Ringo-chan, what are you doing?" Hisoka sighed, detaching the child from his torso and throwing him up into the air, only to catch the giggling mess once more. "There's a reason why I don't do parties~!" Those reasons involved many little children, cold sweat, blood, something about jelly doughnuts and a whole lot of playing cards- but he wasn't going to tell him that.

Gon merrily kicked his legs back and forth; completely oblivious to the clown's shining crotch and gave him a quick hug before jumping off and scurrying away- still in a laughing fit. Hisoka watched him disappear and felt a strange feeling blossom inside of him. He quickly averted his eyes and shrugged it off. He hadn't felt that way since he himself was a child (or the last time he tried to ask Macchi out; only to get a swift kick to the balls but he wasn't going to tell anyone that- the memory was too precious).

Kurapika had learnt to always trust his gut instinct from an early age. That's how he had made it this far. Without any parental guidance or loving embraces to encourage him along the path of life, for the last five years he had to bear with the distant memory of being loved and fend for himself.

And in these five years he had concluded that his gut was always right._ Does this person seem trustworthy? What does the fox say? Which way is the bathroom? Why do I still not know what the fox says? What should I eat for breakfast tomorrow?_ His gut had always guided him through the numerous mysteries of life. And hence, he decided to follow it even now.

First he headed to the kitchen. He remembered how that was the first place that both Gon and Killua had headed towards when they were both…. Uhh…. _Older_? As soon as the Kurta rapped on the door a stream of curses erupted from the other side. In no need for any further invitation to leave, he made a run for it.

At first he considered checking the bedrooms but he knew that if Gon had been in a fifty meter radius of such a crowded place, chaos would have ensured. So Kurapika scrapped the idea altogether.

He decided to hit the café after that, where Killua more often than not liked to sit down for a cup of green tea while taking in the calm atmosphere. Both him and Leorio were fully aware of Gon's exasperation towards this trait of Killua's, how he could ever stand that bland stuff was a wonder to him. Even with his enhanced taste buds he couldn't even detect a trace of flavor! Either that, or he was just licking the cup to gross Killua out. But still, maybe tiny Gon had somehow ended up there.

Scanning the premises, Kurapika found nothing. He began to walk back towards that black haired beauty- I mean- pedophile's bedroom.

**"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!"**

Kurapika whipped around; he recognized that voice anywhere.

**_"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO MOLEST MY BROTHER!"_**

Leorio darted past Kurapika with Illumi hot on his trail. Kurapika couldn't help the vein that popped on his forehead as he noticed Leorio's blatant lack of pants and his belt in Illumi's hand. Wait, wait, was that Doraemon on his boxers? That was Doraemon on his boxers. Just as soon as he was about to join in the chase as well, he heard a very familiar voice and saw something which could very well lead to the end of their lives.

_**"HISOKA'S SHINING CROTCH! DON'T DO IT-!"**_

But it was too late.

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><p><em><strong>AN: (Gently sets the cliffhanger down and runs.)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Kurapika & The Unripe Fruits**

**Chapter 4**

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><p><strong><em>AN: Short chapter is short, oh well. I just felt bad for leaving you guys hanging, hehe._**

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><p><em>"Gon - <span><strong>no!<strong> Don't do it!"_

An effeminate scream ripped out from Leorio's throat as he collapsed in Illumi's arms.

Kurapika stared ahead in horror - absolutely transfixed on the spot as Hisoka's crotch shone brighter than ever. What was happening before them had seemingly arisen from the depths of their worst nightmares.

_Gon had cut off Netero's ponytail._

_**That's right.**_

The old man sat leisurely at the café, silently sipping his tea and oblivious to the two rascals'- who had somehow been reunited - maniacal laughter. Gon threw away the scissors in his hand and made a mad dash for it as the Chairman heard a faint rustle behind his ear only moments later. His state of relaxation had considerably dulled his senses, so he wasn't quick to notice the tiny blurs of green and blue rushing past him.

His hand darted to the back of his head and his face turned a dangerous shade of red as he felt the prickly stump of hair that was left, as opposed to his previous flowing locks of ebony hair - which everyone agreed never did suite him, not that he ever listened. In a way, the two children had done a great service to the world of fashion but Netero would hear none of it. He managed to catch a glimpse of the culprit and his accomplice running away into the distance before bellowing,_** "MY HAIR!"**_

This time it was Illumi who screamed unceremoniously and collapsed onto the floor. Normally it would have aroused Hisoka even further, to see both men unconscious on top of each other but even _he_ felt a bit light headed at the sight of Netero's display. Kurapika could have sworn that his crotch had lost its shine for a second.

The whole airship seemed to be frozen in time as they heard their leader's cry of anguish, but not for long. They rushed towards the scene of the crime; after all, they were always sluts for some good drama. Hisoka draped his two fallen comrades over his shoulders and motioned for Kurapika to follow his lead. Tip toeing away in the most manly fashion ever, they began to plan their escape. And their plan might have worked if they didn't stick out like a bunch of protagonists in a crowd of minor characters - _oh wait_. This fatal error was about to cost them their lives and all hope was lost as Netero's prying eyes locked onto their own, never breaking contact as he hissed out the words **_"You have some explaining to do."_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Kurapika & The Unripe Fruits**

**Chapter 5**

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><p>Hisoka dropped both Illumi and Leorio onto the floor, screamed and then passed out himself. As for the rest of the people on the blimp, they were <em>terrified<em>. Kurapika, being the only conscious one out of the bunch, followed the Chairman to his office; his lip quivering and his eyes watering as the door shut behind him.

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><p>The two scoundrels slowed down as they reached their destination, opened the door to the kitchen and slipped inside the small cupboard underneath the sink. Since no one was present in the kitchen, not even the chefs (they were too busy crowding outside the Chairman's office, straining their ears to listen in on the conversation taking place inside) sneaking in was a breeze.<p>

Gon looked at Killua and Killua looked at Gon. Two chestnut orbs met with two cold pools of ice. They sat there in silence, one smiling at his white haired companion and the other being embraced with a comforting sense of warmth.

They had both bumped into each other during one of Killua's excursions. He roamed the airship, careful not to get treaded on by the feet of the surrounding adults as they shuffled here and there, in search of the boy in question. Now Killua really did not know what a Gon was supposed to look like or where a Gon was supposed to be found but he tried his best anyway. He searched far and wide, high and low in this giant of an airship; even bigger so, due to his small size.

He found some fish in an aquarium near the bathrooms that he particularly liked. His tiny palms pressed against the glass, which began to fog as he piped up to ask a rather obese goldfish, "Are you Gon?"

It also happened to poop a lot, which made Killua like it even more. The fish just fanned its bloated body from side to side and puckered its lips at him. Killua took that as a 'no' and walked away. His Gon would never ignore him as this fish did.

He then spotted his brother chasing his 'grandfather' with a belt ready in hand. Killua decided to follow them, hoping that they might be on the lookout for Gon too. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a monkey sitting on one of the chairs in the café. It was a brilliant shade of vermillion and its fur looked very soft and very alluring. He waddled up to the monkey and repeated his question. "Are you Gon?"

The monkey, though unaccompanied, did not move a muscle without the permission of its master. So he just smiled cheekily at Killua and tilted his head to the side. Anger flared up inside of young boy as his hands balled up into tiny fists, his Gon would never make fun of him.

"Sommy Jr. is that you?" Someone called out in their direction.

Killua stealthily hid under the table as the owner of the monkey came and plucked it up, making him thrash around and shriek in his arms, trying to draw attention towards the child's hiding spot. As more heads began to turn, Sommy rushed into the nearest bathroom and began to chide his partner. He knew favoring a stubborn ape instead of an actual human couldn't possibly have turned out well.

_***Poke***_

_***Thud***_

Killua bumped into something under the table.

It was a young boy, around his own height, with a mess of black hair sprouting out in all directions from his head.

"Hey, wanna help me?" He asked.

"What? Why should I help you?" Killua had never been the type to trust easily.

The boy in front of him chuckled. "It's gonna be fun silly!"

His ears perked up at the mention of the word 'fun'.

"What are we gonna do?" He asked, albeit a little hesitantly.

The boy held up a pair of scissors and raised the tablecloth so that Killua could get a good look of the old man sitting in front of them. "Snip, snip."

The boy seemed to be smiling through his eyes in such a way that the cheeky grin plastered on his face meant nothing. Never breaking eye contact, Killua nodded eagerly. "By the way, how old are you?"

"I'm four." The ravenette replied.

"You're the same age as me… I'm Killua. Is your name Gon?"

The boy in question couldn't nod his head any more merrily.

And now they were tucked in here safely, oblivious to the trouble they had stirred up and all the commotion taking place outside the small confines of this kitchen cupboard.

They both gazed into each other's eyes with such familiarity and mirth, the security of it all put them both to sleep.


End file.
